The Bunny Hop

A few days ago one of my lovely friends sent me an invite to Spotify (thank you, Kathleen!) and it opened up another realm of how music is shared with fans and listeners. I came across one of my favorites growing up and wanted to talk a bit about the meaning behind it today for me.

Anyone heard of Dido? Yeah, she's a pretty amazing artist. The way she can convey a solid message through her songs is poetically gorgeous and shows such a powerful emotion that astounds me as a writer. One of my favorite songs she's ever sung was "Here With Me" and even though I just basically sang it off-key under my breath as a teenager in the halls of my high school, it was a song that just, it sounded so beautiful and heartfelt. To hear someone love in such a depth was, admirable and to convey those emotions, it really took me by surprise. I never imagined love could do that to someone.

Almost ten years now since high school and I have experienced my share of ups and downs in life and listening to this song after so long, this strange feeling came over me. I cried. I literally cried and felt that tug in my heart that resonates with the feeling behind such a song because I now have come to a point where I understand that vulnerability Dido had in her tone and sung about so artfully.

This song is definitely open to interpretation but all-in-all, down to the basics it's a love song. Love is about a "need". Not a selfish need or a pathetic lovesick puppy need but a need where, you need someone and you'd put up with them despite their own set of "ups and downs" because in some way, they just complete you even if there's a war of emotion behind you both. This person you need, they just even you out. An immature love says I love you because I need you but realistically, love isn't about that. A mature and progressive love will always see that you need someone because you love them. That's what it is. It might sound like an extreme but this song is one of those amazing testimonies that someone you care about most deeply can have such a strong profound impact on your life without them even realizing it. It can be little things they say or do to make you feel like, they're your world or an extension of yourself. And when they leave for some reason or another, your being ceases to exist. There's that sudden dysfunction with your daily routine and sure, it's a strong statement to definitely rely on someone because they complete you but it's true. Yes, it can be dramatic but at times there's that dark sinking feeling inside of when they get further away from you and you feel lost without them. You feel like, any movements made or the altering of a memory, will end that moment you both shared.

To love like this is tough and a big risk because you're going to get hurt and when you do, the heart isn't something that heals immediately. It takes time and sometimes, it never really fully heals because that need still beats deep within those scars. It sounds terrible and scary but we love because it's life and to experience love truly is something outside of ourselves. Perhaps we need to take a risk to see how far we'll fall and if it's well worth it.

Kahlil Gibran: Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell."

Source: Brene Brown - The Power of Vulnerability

I'm still a bit numb. I can't hear the cheers anymore. Where have all the Colts fans gone? I'm still in my Manning jersey and sure, it's been a few days since Saturday's travesty but I couldn't stand to part with it. I'm so accustomed now to my tiny corner where I rock back and forth in my room with the box of Kleenex.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm happy for the Jets and their "victory"...no, what I am saying? I'm not happy. Period. No. One point? Really? Such a shame. I must accept the fact that I am not happy with the results from this past weekend's NFL Wildcard game -- that also goes for the Saints. They should have marched in, damnit! Marched in! *shakes fist* But, alas, life isn't what we dream it should be. I have learned the hard way.

I guess you could say in some sense, I'm grieving. I invested another season with my favourite team and at one point, even got a phone call from Colts HQ in Indianapolis which was (a) a creepy surprise and coincidence since I was watching a game of theirs that night and (2) they are my favourite team and I always want the best for them -- meaning, they should have gone to the Superbowl this year again. I'm not even a Hoosier but I bleed blue. Now, that doesn't mean I'm a cop. My best friend was a cop, rather deputy sheriff but that's about how far I get with the law.

Now, as a fan of the Colts and someone who knows what the pain feels like, I've decided to take it upon myself to help other Colts fans deal with the Colts terrible loss. I mean, I'm sure we're all ticked off with the fact that there was only a one point margin loss. One point? Ugh.

The Five Stages of Grief from a Colts Fan

Now some of you may or may not experience the same reaction, afterall we all grieve in our own ways but the esscence always remains the same. Here is just a window into what I have gone through these past few days. I am still at the ANGER stage.

Denial: "The game's not over yet! They'll be back next week, right? That Jets player was out of bounds in the last few seconds and Caldwell will challenge it. That man and his thin moustache will make this right. I know it! He just has to! We have another timeout, right? RIGHT?! We just won against the Titans! We haven't play the Jets as yet! Nah-huh! That was just practice! They just aired our practice game..."

Anger: "DAMN YOU, CALDWELL!" (at this point you're starting to throw items at people) "WHY DID YOU CALL THAT TIMEOUT SO SOON? WHY DID TAJ SMITH RUN INFRONT OF THE JETS KICKER? THAT MAKES NO SENSE! DOESN'T HE KNOW YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT? WHAT THE HECK? WE ACQUIRED HIM SO SOON AND THIS IS HOW HE TREATS US? DO WE STILL BURN PEOPLE AT THE STAKE? BLAIR WHITE WOULD HAVE CAUGHT THAT FOOTBALL REGARDLESS OF SMITH'S GOOFUP. AYE!!!!!" (you may experience balding at this point as excessive hair-pulling begins)

Bargaining: "Just give us one more play! Maybe, even just a few more minutes. You could bring back Favre for the Jets -- he'd be distracted by our lovely Colts cheerleaders and then perhaps send them text messages! Heck, he could even send text messages to our mascot. Whatever works for him! JUST GIVE US ANOTHER PLAY! HUH!? I need this. Indiana needs this! We could redeem ourselves with another game -- our state has gone through so much...historically, of course. You could even let us play against the Amish in bonnets! Anything! Anything for another play. We'll give you Curtis Painter! Just level with me here: what can we do to make this right? I'm not taking 17-16 for answer!"

Depression: You still haven't removed the paint off your face and are still in your Colts gear. You refuse to change the calendar. You watch the replay, over and over again to see what went wrong at which point and where the refs missed something vital. You also weep and sometimes go the Lucas Oil Stadium and find the mascot, pay him $50 to borrow the suit so you could run around the field and yell, GO COLTS, GO! And if you're lucky, you could stand in front of Manning's mansion in the rain, hold your iPad over your head and show him some of the greatest plays the Colts have ever had over the past seasons as tears stream down your face and you hope to catch a glimpse of Number 18 through his window and you'd mouth the words, "Say it ain't so, Manning! Say it ain't so!"

Acceptance: Most of us will never reach this stage until next season starts. Seriously. That is all. So judging from my stages, I have not reached this stage. There will always be a void. Ask any Colts fan or ANY football fan who's team has lost in their own home state. Losing in your home is like, having guests over and they mooch off your food platter, they break the China and score with your Aunt Lydia. All in all, it's a low-down dirty shame and it's hard to get up from that and face the world.

Now, eventually we do rise up. We don't rise up that fast because some of us may be drinking and the blood rushing to the head, takes a while to really stand straight, you know? But we do put our energy out there -- to another team. There's always another team. You know? Rainy days and revenge. But mostly, revenge.

So, I'm throwing all my love and support to the Pittsburgh Steelers! Let's hope you can make it to the Superbowl and fill the void within me. It'll bring me closure. You'll never replace the Colts for me but you'll at least keep me entertained for a few more weeks.

There's always a silver lining in the NFL...

This past Sunday's game of the Colts versus the Tennessee Titans at the famed Indianapolis Lucas Oil Stadium was by far one of the most nail-biting games of the whole season. I can bet it had every Colts fan at the edge of their seat. With a tie in every quarter, it was one of those days when you come in with a full head of hair and eventually leave with the George Costanza look.

I, for one was freaking out. I sat in my Manning jersey, screaming at the TV but realizing it wasn't as bad as when the Oakland Raiders scored against the Colts in the previous week during the first twelve seconds from kickoff. That was embarassing and shocking. I threw a hissy fit! You knew at that instant that Coach Caldwell would be peeved and the locker room would be an intense place to be. Probably even far more intense than the moment of when Bambi discovered his mother became deer jerky. It was just one of those moments where you knew things would have to be better.

Nevertheless, this past Sunday was a great game played between the Colts and Titans. It was a tight game. A really tight game. A game probably as tight as Brett Favre's jockstrap should be but that's just wishful thinking.

It was in the first quarter of the game when the Colts scored a touchdown thanks to K-Adam Vinatieri, scoring 3-0 but soon enough WR-Rob Bironas of the Titans made a field goal bringing both teams to a tie. It was until they reached the second quarter, that the Colts received another field goal from their kicker Vinatieri and took the lead over their opponents; 6-3. It was on that last drive though that QB-Peyton Manning went over 4,500 passing yards on the season and became the 3rd quarterback in the history of the NFL to have back-to-back passing yards season. It was in the same quarter that the Titans found themselves securing a field goal as the Colts defense lacked, bringing them to a tie of 6. Near the end of the second quarter though, WR-Reggie Wayne scored a seven yard touchdown bringing the team to 13-6.

Sweet victory, right?

Wrong.

In the third quarter, Colts started with the possession but soon enough the Titans tie the game once again as QB-Kerry Collins passed to fellow player WR-Kenny Britt for a 21 yard touchdown, bringing the game to a tie of 13. It was starting to appear as a pattern that each team was scoring in the form of tit-for-tat. Seriously, how frustrating are ties? At one point, it was basically like watching two kids playing tic-tac-toe; one goes here, one goes there and voila, cat's game, though there's no such thing in football. There's only overtime. Overtime can be frustrating. I never like it when the teams go into overtime because then you know the pressure's on and I'm never too pleased with Manning's face. He gets pretty ticked off and his face is never something you wish to expect. Imagine seeing that face at Christmas after you give him a hand made clay jar when he would spend his Reebok endorsements on you? Err...

It was about though nine minutes remaining in the game when the Colts retaliated and made a touchdown of their own as Manning connected with WR-Pierre Garcon for a 30 yard score bringing them to a leading victory of 20-13. Game's not over though. No siree-bob! Rougly five minutes later the Titans tied the score once again as Collins hit their RB-Chris Johnson for a 15 yard touchdown bringing them to a score of an even 20.

Aye-yi-yi, right?

In the fourth quarter, all eyes were on the Colts. Were they really going to make it? Pattern shows that most times, they do very well in their own home state and leave with a big score, beating their opponents to a pulp. The fourth quarter went by, minute by minute, frustration kicking in for the Hoosiers cheering in the sea of blue as the players figured out their strategy. They had to up their game. Manning's face -- that "disappointment" one was kicking in and you could see it in the way he'd shout at the others, shrug when someone's talking to him. He's all about the game. That man doesn't give up or give into anything but a solid win. It's commendable. You don't play to lose. You play to win. That is the goal.

There were a ton of close calls in the fourth quarter but nothing budged. I sat there perplexed and nervous, sipping away at my glass of what I call my own personal concoction, "The Cosmo Rum" which should be in a bottomless glass. I digress. So, look I can't stand overtime! I kept praying, "please let the Colts score!" and it was tough. At one point it appeared as though WR-Joseph Addai had scored but it was nothing major and only until the last three seconds that the game found it's glory: the Colts K-Vinatieri scored a field goal and brought the team to a final score of 23-20.

Game's over. They actually did it. The Colts won! THE COLTS WON! Did you realize what that meant at the moment? Yeah sure, there would be no angry towel whipping in the locker room that night from Coach Caldwell as Manning watched on with that "disappointed" face but that the Colts won their AFC South title! That would mean they're in the finals and are now set to play the New York Jets next.

It was a tough season for the Colts. After starting their season 6-6 and slipping earlier to a second place in the AFC South, the Indianapolis team won their final four games of the regular season. This is the seventh time in eight seasons that they've been able to do that.

What do you think will be next for the Colts? How will they fair against the New York Jets? All I know is that I'll be watching and cheering the Colts in my Manning jersey and hopefully, will keep my hair the way it is and stay away from the Costanza look.

What exactly is love?

Any guesses?

Can’t think of one solid answer, right? That’s because there’s no real definition. It depends on each one of us and how we perceive the beauty that lies in the enormity that is in fact, love.

I was asked a week ago by one of my best friends about love and its true definition. It’s not an easy question to answer, especially right on the spot. For me, personally love is a strong feeling, affection and attraction for another and strengthens from the roots of a solid friendship. In love, there is a deep care – a bond, between two people that results in trust, intimacy and a relationship that enhances both partners. Within that love, there is an ability and a willingness between both individuals where you’re allowed to be who you choose to be and the choices you make without compromising your identity. Love is looking past their imperfections because to you, they are perfect.

There’s to be a great patience in love as frustrating as it can be. Nobody likes waiting, especially when you’re in love with someone – you want to spend every waking moment with them, talking to them, smiling at them and listening to them talk about whatever quirk they’re enamoured with and engage in silly conversations that only you two would enjoy and find laughter in. It becomes more than emotion when involved with the charm of love. It actually becomes a drive as powerful as hunger and the passion becomes engraved in our brains.

But love? That’s my definition and it’s different for each one of us but regardless, we all should know that love includes compatibility. It doesn’t matter if your astrological signs say you’re made for each other or you’ve made lifelong vows to the other, love is like-mindedness; being well-suited for the other and understanding that person.

Sometimes on our journey through life, we find love in the most unusual places and at the most unusual times. When the belief of love comes into consideration, love becomes a mysterious journey and often leaves us puzzled in terms of our life’s road. Where do we go from here? It becomes worse in the shape of a triangle and the psyche takes a beating: the person whom we see in front of us may be the least compatible than the person who is perhaps, thousands of miles away.

Haddaway may have added to the definition in the early 90s when they asked a generation and the legendary Butabi brothers, What is Love? and as silly as it sounds, they got some of it right:

What is love?
Baby don’t hurt me
Don’t hurt me
No more

Love also involves pain. Deep, heart breaking pain. Sometimes your heart aches so much that it begins to crack and in cases of unrequited love, you keep an eye on those cracks throughout your years because you’re afraid there will be a moment when it breaks and shatters entirely. And sometimes, your heart just breaks. Breathing becomes difficult. Life becomes a bit bleak and sleep and food tend to be your first resort. Well that and the TV.

I remember seeing a book on a neighbour’s shelf in her kitchen called What is Love? A Simple Buddhist Guide to Romantic Happiness and it was incredibly thin. That got me thinking immensely that love isn’t simple and love isn’t just a mere, eighty pages. It’s thicker than that. It’s a whole world full of stars and just the two of us, swinging about them. If it engulfs your whole heart and your mind, you know it’s there and it’s certain. There’s no doubt about it. I can’t persuade people to believe what love is and isn’t but for me, love is that. Love is the elation you get, the mood swings and the sleepless nights, the constant thinking and obsessing about the other and it transcends time, age, race, gender and geography.

Rumi once said, “Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

Love isn’t simple but it surely lurks even if we’ve been hurt from past experiences. Love isn’t a romantic comedy or a sugary pop song. It is a wheel of emotions and if we’re lucky, we’re able to figure it out. If not, well – who knows where you go. Life is a giant puzzle.

It’s been said that love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning; a solid definition.

From my own experiences, that seems true but what is your definition of love?